I’m almost 11 weeks.

Goodness growing a human for the second time. I love it but man does it feel like he’ll on earth sometimes. I have stomach aches. My prenatal vitamin is making me constipated. Sometimes I just want to be comfortable but comfort is a sacrifice I have to make to grow this beautiful human.

Nowadays being pregnant is like the baby is actually here. Constantly nagging me, constantly in the way which is everyone. Im annoyed all the damn time. Feels like I’m pregnant with danny again.

I really can’t think straight nowadays. My brain is not my own I feel like my thoughts just slip away from me and its hard to catch them once they are gone and it makes me so angry.

Im so angry and my boyfriends dad. Mainly because I see the bullshit he pulls and the fact that he is always trying to tangle in my relationship. I take that very personal. From what I can see, people as a human race can’t stand being bored so when the mind gets bored it gets curious. Depending on a persons mind set it can be very creative and diabolical or it can be creative and have nice intentions. Unfortunately, I have the diabolical creative monster in my ear nagging tf out of me about my relationship all the time!

Frustration with my Work

**This post contains affiliate links and I will be compensated if you make a purchase after clicking on my links. I keep pondering and pondering and pondering about why I’m not getting any sales. Part of me really just wants to give up. I was so close today but then I sat there and stared at my website in disgust. The thing that disgusted me the most was that I was advertising some clothing that I wouldn’t be able to fit. That was a “you dumb***” moment for me.

I am a BBW. I have curves and according to my significant other, alot of them. So I know I am still new to this whole “advertising products” thing. I looked at this swimsuit collection I had on my website and couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t fit into that!

I have to be all about me. Who am I? Who are my friends? What is my culture? Even though I can answer all of those things with one word, I don’t think before today I fully understood what being myself meant. Im advertising the exact opposite of who I am. I was so caught up in ” I know this is going to get me sales I just have to give the people what they want.”

I carried that with me up until now, knowing that I am not a people pleaser and I refuse to persuade an audience that I  can not relate to.  Subconsciously this was something I was doing. I feel ashamed, embarrassed, and ignorant not even thinking twice about what I was doing. I need to stick to what I know and what I thought I knew wasn’t getting me anywhere.

I am proud of myself because this is growth for me and what I stand for. I’m on a mission and in a chapter where I define who I am and when I finally get that definition certified through my soul, I’ll have the greatest powerful moment and my world will light up with strength and dignity.