Goodness growing a human for the second time. I love it but man does it feel like he’ll on earth sometimes. I have stomach aches. My prenatal vitamin is making me constipated. Sometimes I just want to be comfortable but comfort is a sacrifice I have to make to grow this beautiful human.
Nowadays being pregnant is like the baby is actually here. Constantly nagging me, constantly in the way which is everyone. Im annoyed all the damn time. Feels like I’m pregnant with danny again.
I really can’t think straight nowadays. My brain is not my own I feel like my thoughts just slip away from me and its hard to catch them once they are gone and it makes me so angry.
Im so angry and my boyfriends dad. Mainly because I see the bullshit he pulls and the fact that he is always trying to tangle in my relationship. I take that very personal. From what I can see, people as a human race can’t stand being bored so when the mind gets bored it gets curious. Depending on a persons mind set it can be very creative and diabolical or it can be creative and have nice intentions. Unfortunately, I have the diabolical creative monster in my ear nagging tf out of me about my relationship all the time!
Blogging is very scary to me. Why I am not sure. Im a very fearful person. I know I’m supposed to be full of confidence and spark but Im not. Im in fact very self conscious, I beat myself up alot, and I can be very competitive and overthink.I have struggle for the past 2 years trying to figure out what to write about. Unfortunately Im very anxious and I want to be perfect so I can get the attention I deserve. What attention that is, I have no clue. I dont know where my life is headed. I don’t want to talk about anything depressing and I dont want to try to hard.
I worry too much about what people think. I worry that I am going to embarass myself and look like a fool. I am also fearful of failure. I have alot of thoughts and alot of things to say but no answers. I go back and forth wondering, well I like make up and I want to show people who I am but then I see everyone else with their blogs and I just freak out like well its too late for me. I dont have enough time. I dont want anyone to know who I am honestly.
Its so many way I could live life but I havent figured out how to live mine yet. I have a son. Im in school trying to get my business degree. I am a person that wants to be in so many places at once. Unfortunately because I overwhelm myself with thoughts and fears and what everyone else thinks, I get stuck in a serious paralyzed state caused by my thoughts.
I know there are only images in this post related to make up but I am trying to keep the insspiration going. I dont even wear makeup! I just love looking at it. It makes me feel like someone but I wouldnt dare to put it on. I like all things beauty, skin care, some days I like glitter all things shiny and glamourous. Other days I may only prefer to sleep in the bed all day to avoid feeling any anxiety.
I dont understand why I fill up with anxiety the moment I open my eyes. Its frustrating because either I have to take a prescription to calm myself down or stay sleep. Anxiety really paralyzes me at times and I hate it. I used to just be able to get up and do things but I cant do that without getting a headache from thinking and worrying to much. All of the things that go on in my head drains my energy. I shut out the world and want to go into a crying fit.
Unfortunately my boyfriend or my friends dont allow it. THey text me, “Hey, where are you?” Its kind of funny to me because it helps me snap out of whatever I am dealing with being trapped inside of myself and I appreciate them doing. I dont even know where I am prior to them getting in touch with me. I am going to talk about my bf alot more and along with products I like and suggest and I just want to share share share as much as I can.
I am a thinker and I would like to be a writer, maybe? Just Bringing my thoughts and rambling. ttyl!