Random Rambles

Just before he showed up I looked over at the sky. It was so beautiful it was blue and the sun was setting this was at 7:55pm. At pf changs fairlaneIt was 88 degrees outside I had on a dress that I felt so beautiful in. I just got my eyebrows done also, I didn’t really like them because they were too thin but they still looked decent. I saw Michael pull up in front of the entrance, idk why but that was a beautiful site to see. His lol sunburst orange pearl car against the sunset. He had on his scrubs and he just came back from school. He looked so…. Wow. So he looked at me and I was kind of scared because I didn’t know what he wanted me to do so I assumed he want me to put my bags in the car but he was staring at me then I remembered how I was looking. So I went to the car at put my things in. Lol he was about to drive off but I caught the door. Lol then he told me that he was just letting me out my bags in the car. So he parked the car. Lol then he was saying where’s my outfit and I was in shock like idk lol. I was happy to see the mood he was in. He was happy and that’s all I wanted for him the whole night because I know he works so hard. So we went in I told him I made reservations this time because I didn’t know how busy it was gonna be. Lol he seemed impressed. So we sat down lol we were talking and he was telling me about the emails from the three musketeers and how they weren’t really understanding about his school schedule especially Bonnie ugh. So we talked and he talked about his day and the drive to school and how he went a whole mile with his eyes closed on Ford road. I was in such shock and I was like wow. So then he was telling me. Lol we talked about a lot he was joking about how it was an Asian restaurant and there weren’t any Asians. Lol I just laughed. I was so glad to see that after that long night we had that he wasn’t really showing any sign of… He was just happy and I didn’t want to irritate him so I just present myself well because I had time to recover my mind by myself earlier with the shopping and the relaxing and the encounters I had with people. I also walked in the heat from the school to the mall and it was hot and I was sweating but it felt so good listening to music. I saw a little bit of we’re the millers the movie was only 5 dollars . Lol I told Michael I saw a movie and he said u went to the movies?? I was like yea. It seemed like he was shocked. I had to leave early because it was getting close to him gettin off and I was trying to get in touch with him I called him about 6:15 pm and he was in class and i was so frustrated because I couldn’t hear him and then I realized I didn’t finish my movie because I began to worry about hi. Getting mad at me for not telling him where I was or the fact that he might have called me while I was in the theatre and I could not get any surface for the life of me. So I got in touch with him . He told me it was ok for the dinner thing and he just wanted to get some sleep. So I was sure of myself that I wouldn’t interfere. I was able to think on my feet when I was handling all of that business and it felt like it was exercise for my brain and I want more moments like that so I am going to make sure I do that. It makes me so much more comfortable with my thinking process. So I realized that after the night ended that I was putting him before myself and with a passion I could not let that happen so I am taking steps to put myself first because after realizing I didn’t want a child because of my reality, I decided to take advantage of me caring for myself more than anybody because I can do that and it feels so great to not worry about someone so much and to love them and yourself. I lost myself with Donald and I see it when it comes to Michael and I don’t want my feelings for him to consume me because it doesn’t feel good to know at the end of the day after you loved him and did everything you thought would satisfy him to make him happy so he can love you am nobody else, that you haven’t done anything to make yourself happy and then it’s a struggle and then ur unhappy and confused and going crazy because you forgot about the most important person in the relationship, and that’s you. So I’m proud that I’m able to realize these things before its too late. And I’m proud of myself because when he told me about him going to Applebee’s with Kaylanna my curiosity level was very low. I didn’t care. I realized that I don’t want to know what is gonna happen tomorrow and I cherish the past put I want right now and that’s all I have a passion for. That what I think about every time I doubt me and Michael . I kiss him or hug him or touch him because he is there with me at that moment and it feels so good it overpowers all the negativity and doubts and worries and speculations and curiosities and it make me realize what I have at that moment I’m not giving up at that moment because if I had to give him up in the next hour or minute I know I cherished him the minute before i lost him. I love me and Michael . And I love me and I love Michael. It’s the most appreciated relationships. Something I realized I am thankful for. I am so thankful for Kaitlynn and she has no idea how thankful I am for her. I love you Kaitlynn

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