Like I said, I fell off track, while I was down, I had to really be so raw, so open, so naked , so exposed that I had no control over it, before I didn’t understand, I didn’t understand anything, how to deal with myself or even if it was ok to be who I was. Yes is ok to be who I am because I can be no one else. I was asked did I have a strong role model , honestly growing up no. Now I have Michael but I’m still alone when it comes to him because there are something’s that he can’t help me wih. There was this cloud of anger or this cloud of sadness or this clod of excessive happiness , or emotions. Where this cloud comes from? It’s a lifelong effect that was born with because of ms watts. She fucked me up but I am not going to blame her or make an excuse. I am going to face it, embrace it and make it make me who I am in a positive way because that what we want is positivity, we are trying to fight off the bad thing the horrible things and the worse things possible, I am living for my older self, I can rush myself I have to be Kaitlynn. I have to bare it all or I won’t be able to accept myself. I want to accept myself good and bad, I am now getting an introduction to what that really means.
I know I really irritated the fuck out of Michael but unfortunately that’s what happens when you only care about yourself, nobody else matters, not his opinion none of it, what about what I have to deal with when it comes to him, what I had to. I am always going to be trying t figure myself out and I refuse to take a break from it. I care about how people treat me and what makes me happy and what makes me sad. I’m allowing myself to feel and be who I was born to be instead of acting or pretending to be someone else or someone who I don’t accept, I accept me when no one else does, I have some great things about me and some horrible things about me and some bad things about me but if I don’t live or wait or hesitate then I don’t have a purpose in trying to know who I am. I am determined to go through every milestone every pain hurt cry and tear to find out who Kaitlynn is and make something out of her because I love her. This figuring me thing out isn’t something that happens over night. I am powerful strong and I will bare my soul before I let anyone in this world hurt me or take me for granted. I don’t care about what everyone else is doing or what everyone wants me to be or want they think they want from themselves. He is stuck! I am not. I know I have to be responsible but I don’t have to be serious all the damn time. I’m fine . I am just trying to discover this girl