Random Rambles

I let Michael fertilize me we talked about it and we agreed that if he asked me to get the pill would I get it. Yea regardless of what I want because I know my situation and I see my reality without a doubt . I purposely had people talk me out of it and thankfully I can afford to make mistakes but I can’t afford the consequences. It felt good though but I got the pill and I’m ok. We are ok. I swear I do to much. I’m not surprised if someone tells me that but I realized that’s how I love and enjoy my time with whoever I’m with. I can’t do it any other way. I know to show affection, love hard and give my all, sadly I am indeed going to end u getting hurt but the learning experience was so worth it. I wouldn’t give it up for the world I just know I have to keep myself happy through the process. So far I’m doing good and I’m proud if myself so much. I just know I really do too much for something that’s not even mine but its ok. Sometimes working hard when u know ur not getting anything in return but a good feeling is the best gift ever.

I’m falling in love with him. He is coming in between me and my relationship with myself. It has to be a balance. For some reason I crave him every time I’m near him. I hate it but it feels so good. I just want this feeling to slow down because I can’t keep up. I love when I spend time alone it brings me back to my mind to who I know I am when I’m around him. I can’t let him take over me. There has to be a balance. I almost kept his child and that would of been the most dumbest decision of my life. Pain is forming in my hands and it frustrates the hell out of me soooo bad. I have to do everything right

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