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I was asked What do I want for myself. I want to be able to lead, I want to live comfortably for me and my son. I want stability. I want friends and support. I dont mind the ups and downs, those keep me working harder to cintinue to be the be.
A couple times I just wanted to spend some quality time with my significant other along with his kids and my son. There were a couple of times in the past when we did have this quality time. I didn’t appreciate it as much as I want to now. I was to scared back then and I read other’s stories and as I am reading I’m like how can you be scared? I know why.
I actually am thinking about him right now. I know I am supposed to be talking about what I want and he is definitely a big part of it. I didnt appreciate him in the past. He has been so good to me and I pushed him away so much, even though I was madly falling for him. I didnt want to get distracted, I didnt want to give more attention to a man than I did my son. I wanted my son, the only male in my life that held me together to be put first before anything and everything.
I am actualy glad I had this experience and that I had this strong mindset because it made me realize that I had the power to stand up for whatever I believed in. A couple years ago I would have not been in the state of mind I am in right now. Thankfully, my bestfriend can attest to that. I didnt care about women, men, other people.
I couldn’t stand people because I dealt with them everyday at my job. The way they talked to me, the negativity, the comments, the sneaky racist remarks. The way men made me feel so disgusted about how the stared me down while I was trying to work. Some women. and there were older women, just looked at me in disgust because I was young and I was a threat. I just dont’t understand why it had to be that way.
I was discussing things with these people that , hell I dont know if it made a difference or not, but I would speak my mind and forget all about my job, I hated my job. It felt like nothing I did there mattered because certain pople started to take that for granted. No recognition, always the problems that were recognized.
The only revognition I got was just a dollar raise every year and that wasnt enough to keep me there, in fact when it came down to it, that was the only thing keeping me there. I was making $14 and hour. My raise to $15 an hour was threatened, especially with the amount of times I was late. So many times at that place I knew it was done.
Part of the reason